By Jax Hunter
Hello Campers,
Last month we talked about
setting - the physical world in which our characters come to play. You’ll remember Bo Goldman’s list of things
that go into the box (scene) that “jacks up the drama”: setting, weather,
costuming, lighting, props, animals. Then we took a look at how some screenwriters set the stage in their
scenes.
Did you do your
homework? How did that work for
you? Is this mic on?
This month we’re going to add
just a bit to the box by discussing character description. Remember that we’re looking at screenwriting,
and in many ways screenwriters don’t describe their characters in the same way
novelists do. I think we can
learn a bit from them, nonetheless.
In Story Sense, Paul Lucey
informs his audience that characters should be introduced in a sentence or two
so as not to limit the casting choices. Not really a problem for novelists. Lucey then goes on to give numerous examples of how characters are first
introduced in screenplays. We’ll do the
same here.
Before I do that, though, I
want you to think about your current characters. If you had to describe them in a sentence or
two, how would you do it? Take a moment
and give it a try. Off the cuff, here’s
mine: Chris Gabriel is 6'4" tall with short, dark hair, grey eyes. He’s classically handsome and smiles
readily.
Wonderful, huh?
Okay, take a look at some of
these descriptions and then we’ll try again.
MUNNY [Clint Eastwood] is
thirty-five or forty years old, his hair is thinning and his mustache droops
glumly over his stubbled jaw. If it were
not for his eyes he would look like any pig farmer with his canvas overalls
tucked in his boots pushing on a hog. Unforgiven.
DR. HANNIBAL LECTOR [Anthony
Hopkins] is lounging on his bunk, in white pajamas, reading an Italian
Vogue. He turns, considers her. . . A
face so long out of the sun, it seems almost leached – except for the glittering
eyes, and wet red mouth. He rises
smoothly, crossing to stand before her: the gracious host. His voice is cultured, soft. The Silence of the Lambs.
SAM BALDWIN [Tom Hanks] is in
his thirties. His neck is pinched into a
crisp dress shirt and tie. His expression
is vacant, faraway. A breeze blows but
he doesn’t react to it. Sleepless in
Seattle.
A translator's words ring in
the earpiece of a handsome man [Harrison Ford] in his mid-forties. Worry lines crease his forehead and the touch
of gray at his temples attest to three very difficult years in office. This man is JAMES MARSHALL, and he is the
PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Air Force One.
Riding along the road comes
WILLIAM WALLACE [Mel Gibson]. Grown now,
a man. He sits his horse as if born
there, his back straight, his hands relaxed on the reins. He has a look of lean, rippled power. He looks dangerous. Braveheart.
MARION [MURRON] MacCLANNOUGH
[Catherine McCormack], grown now into a stunning young woman; her long auburn
hair reminds us of those years long ago; she wears it the same way, straight
and full down her back. Her dress is
plain, like the grass that surrounds a wildflower. She’s the most beautiful girl in the village,
maybe in all of Scotland. Braveheart.
Wendell "BUD" WHITE
[Russell Crowe], 30, stares at the enormous Christmas tree on the deco platform
over Bullocks' entrance. An LAPD cop,
Bud's rep as the toughest man on the force has been well earned. L.A. Confidential
Sgt. ED EXLEY [Guy Pierce],
30, bespectacled, is at the desk with a YOUNG OFFICER. Exley is an up-and-comer. Burning with
ambition. The faster he rises through
the ranks, the more resentment he leaves in his wake. L.A. Confidential
Her hair kerchiefed, LYNN
BRACKEN [Kim Bassinger] waits as the Owner writes it up. There's glamour, a cat-girl grace about
Lynn. She seems like she belongs up on
the wall with the movie
stars. L.A. Confidential
LAPD Sgt.
"Trashcan" JACK VINCENNES [Kevin Spacey], late 30s with slick, good
looks, dances with a young ACTRESS. Grinding their way through a
ballad, they're obviously hitting it off.
L.A. Confidential
I find it interesting how some of these characters are
described so much more fully than others, even in the same screenplay. In L.A. Confidential, we don’t have a clue
what Bud looks like, but we see Vincennes with “slick, good looks." Exley gets even more with characterization in
his. As I read through screenplays, it’s
interesting to see that sometimes the writer give you a nice description of the
character and at other times allows the character to show himself through his
actions straightaway. Here’s an example:
A MAN idly walking around the building. He is BUTCH CASSIDY [Paul Newman] and hard to
pin down. Thirty-five and bright, he has
brown hair, but most people, if asked to describe him, would remember him as
blond. He speaks well and quickly, and
has been all his life a leader of men, but if you asked him, he would be damned
if he could tell you why. Butch
Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
But when it comes to
introducing Sundance [Robert Redford], he only calls him MUSTACHED MAN. As you read the scene (it’s wonderfully done
in the movie) it’s almost as if the writer wanted the reader to have the same
reaction as the characters playing cards with Sundance. MUSTACHED MAN has been very quietly cleaning
up at the tables. There are accusations
of his cheating thrown about. If
MUSTACHED MAN says anything at all, it’s very quiet, one or two words here or
there. He ignores the accusation and
simply stacks his chips carefully into piles.
Finally, there’s the drawing of guns and threatening of MUSTACHED MAN,
who just sits slumped in his chair sadly, his head down. Then BUTCH shows up and starts talking
(that’s what he’s good at,) and all MUSTACHED MAN has to say is “I wasn’t
cheating.”
More words, more threats and
a great shot of MUSTACHED MAN taking in his surroundings as he and BUTCH
talk. Finally (ta-da) BUTCH says, “Can’t
help you, Sundance,” and we have the shock, amazement and fear that comes when
the rest of the characters - and the audience - find out who this MUSTACHED MAN
is.
All this done, with nothing
more from the author than MUSTACHED MAN by way of introduction. The author just let Butch introduce his
friend. Even then, the author simply
says, “THE SUNDANCE KID, for that is the name of the MUSTACHED MAN. He sits slumped a moment more, his head
down. Then he slowly raises his head. His eyes dazzle. He looks dead into MACON’s eyes. Still staring, he stands. He, too, wears guns.”
Can you do that in a
novel? If you’re creative, you can. But, I’d be willing to bet that our author
knew intimately what the MUSTACHED MAN looked like. He also knew how both Butch and Sundance
moved, how they talked (or didn’t talk much). As novelists, of course, we have to get all that on paper.
The key, again, as with
setting is to use specific detail to describe characters. (If you want a complete course in making
characters come alive - check out Margie Lawson’s Creating Character Emotions
class)
In closing, let me give you a
taste of where we all want to be when describing characters. Here, from Jonathon King’s The Blue Edge
of Midnight are some one-liners used to describe Murphy, the newsstand
owner:
“He was a huge lump of a man
who sat for hours at a time on a four-legged stool with what seemed like half
of his weight dripping over the sides of the small circular cushion.”
“He had a fat face that
folded in on itself like a two-week-old Halloween pumpkin and you couldn’t tell
the color of his small slit eyes.”
“He had a voice like gravel
shuffling around in the bottom of a cardboard box.”
Okay, shall I try again on
Chris? Chris was tall and lean, with
dark, shortly cropped hair and silvery eyes that crinkled when he smiled. He had the look that guys got when charming
old ladies. But on this man, it seemed
to be second nature.
Homework assignment: Write in
your books. Gasp, sob. Okay, I admit it, I write in my books. Not books I borrow, but books I own. I underline great writing, be it description
or just fabulous wording. So, even if
you don’t want to write in your books, you can still start “noting” great
setting and character description. Feel
free to even send it on to me for my files.
If there’s a better way to
learn how to write great fiction than to read great fiction, I
don’t know what it is.
Until next month, when we’ll
discuss Visual Storytelling, keep your butts in the chair and your hands on the
keyboard - BIC-HOK.
Jax (www.jaxmhunter@gmail.com)
(This series first ran in the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers newsletter in 2005.)
About the Author: Jax Hunter is a published romance writer and freelance copywriter. She wears many hats including EMT, CPR instructor, and Grammy. She is currently working on a contemporary romance series set in ranching country Colorado and a historical romance set in 1775 Massachusetts. She lives in Colorado Springs, belongs to PPW, RMFW and is a member of the Professional Writer's Alliance.
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